


In Only Seven Days

by Liz3yy317865



Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: Dom John Deacon, I respect Veronica greatly, Infidelity, Insecurity, John Angst, John Deacon angst, M/M, Mid 80's Queen, Queen AU, it's not real life, this is just fiction
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-15
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:40:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25921459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Liz3yy317865/pseuds/Liz3yy317865
Summary: A stressed and burned out John Deacon flees to Bali when the pressures of life get too much
Relationships: John Deacon/Brian May/Freddie Mercury/Roger Taylor, John Deacon/Original Male Character(s), John Deacon/Veronica Tetzlaff
Comments: 21
Kudos: 25





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've had this in my head for a while, and decided it was time to get it written. This is my take on what happened when John got fed up with everything and fucked off to Bali for a while in the mid 80's, to find God or whatever. 
> 
> *Disclaimer - this is fiction, and a totally made up. I have the greatest respect for Veronica Deacon of course*

Gone to Bali 

“What the fuck?! What the actual fuck?! This is a wind up right, please tell me this is a joke?” Roger demanded as he waved the note around, a hastily scrawled piece of paper that he’d just found taped to the body of John’s bass. 

“It’s no joke Rog” Brian sighed tiredly, “I’ve just got off the phone to Ratty, Deaky went to the airport first thing this morning. He asked for some cash and then well, he just….left” 

Roger was furious. No scratch that, he was murderous.

“I’ll kill him, I’ll bloody well kill him. Once again when it gets all too much for the precious little lamb he fucks off. Well he’s really gone and done it this time” 

Brian was a little more calm, “There’s not an awful lot we can do about it now Rog, what’s done is done. We all need a break though to be fair, don’t you think? Deaky may have done us all a favour…” 

“Oh no, no no no, how can you defend him for this?” 

“Defend who for what darling?” Freddie chose that moment to arrive, fashionably late as always. Oblivious to the chaos unfolding around him. 

“Deaky’s fucked off again Fred” Roger shoved the note angrily in the singers face, “THIS is how he lets us know, the bastard” 

Freddie peered at the hand-written note, silently digesting its contents before bursting into laughter. Brian wearily put his head in his hands whilst Roger looked on the verge of a cardiac arrest, his face growing a vivid shade of scarlet. 

“What’s so fucking funny?!” 

“Oh Roggie darling” Freddie chuckled, “Don’t bust a gut dear, that shade of red really doesn’t suit you. Deaky just needed a break, he’ll be back before we know it. Couple of weeks at most I would think” 

Roger stared at Freddie incredulously, “How can you be so calm? Did you know about this?!” 

Freddie rolled his eyes so hard they almost disappeared into the back of his head. The drummer's reaction to John's impromptu holiday was so typical of him, of his fiery persona. “No, I did not. Do you honestly think that if I had known this would happen I would keep quiet?”   
Freddie’s laid back attitude to the situation only served to fuel Roger’s anger, “I never know with you these days“ He pointed a finger at the singer accusingly, “For all we know you could have helped him plan it!” 

Brian who had been silent for a while suddenly spoke up, looking for all the world like he just wanted to crawl under a rock and sleep for a hundred years. 

“Look, I don’t know about you two but I don’t think there’s much point in hanging around here moping. I’m going back to London for a few days. I suggest you guys do the same, use this as a chance to get some rest” 

“The album will never be fucking finished at this rate” Roger continued to rant, “Ratty is a dead man when I get hold of him…” 

“You can’t blame Ratty for this dear, he just did what he was told I’m sure. Don’t forget that Deaky is his boss” 

“Well Deaky is not the boss of us Fred, this is the last time he does this so help me….” 

With that Roger stormed from the room leaving a bemused Freddie and exhausted Brian to figure out what had just happened. 

The next few weeks were going to be interesting. 

…………………………………..

Several thousand miles away John was nervously waiting to board the aircraft that would finally whisk him away from the tensions of recent months. Direct flights from Europe to his chosen destination weren’t yet possible, so he’d been forced to make a short layover in Singapore to his frustration, flying being an activity he’d never been overly keen on. 

On landing he’d briefly toyed with the idea of calling the studio to check in, but was under no illusion that he’d most likely be met with anger and abuse regardless of who answered. Best to let the dust settle for a while. 

The previous morning John had woken early, he’d had a bad night again and had struggled to settle after another unproductive day in the studio. All the band seemed to do these days was bicker and argue with little progress being made. 

The record company was on their backs to produce the goods, and after the poor sales and reception of their previous work, the pressure was on. Pressure however wasn’t something that John dealt with very well. He was known within the group's inner circle for fleeing when the stress got too much, and this time was no exception. 

John paced up and down with a cigarette in hand. His mind racing and thinking back to the rather ugly fight he’d had with Brian a few days ago. The subject of guitar solos had reared its unwelcome head again and John had been in no mood to back down this time. He’d written one of his best ever songs in his opinion and had a very specific idea in his head of how it should sound, which did not include the guitarist putting his stamp all over it. 

Brian had pushed and pushed being certain that he knew best but it was to no avail. The fall out had been spectacular, choice words were shouted, insults made and doors slammed. The final blow had been when John decided to have a solo in his song after all, but asked their session keyboardist to record it. Brian’s response to that one was certainly not repeatable in polite company. 

John felt trapped, the ever increasing tension in the studio was getting to him even more than usual. The joy was being sucked out of his working life, and the longer he dwelled on the expectations placed upon him and the band in general the more anxious he felt. It was starting to overwhelm him, enveloping him in a choking dense fog. He desperately needed a break before he cracked or did something that he may regret. 

John reached for yet another cigarette only to find the packet was now empty, sighing in frustration he decided there was only one way out of this nightmare. He needed to get away, far far away to somewhere hot, sunny and peaceful. A place where he wouldn’t be recognised and could forget his troubles, at least temporarily. 

“Are you really sure you want to do this?” 

John’s PA Ratty regarded the bassist with concern, he’d been awoken just after 5am by a somewhat distressed and animated John banging on his door demanding enough cash to last two weeks and that he check him out of the hotel immediately. 

“Yes I’m sure, I need to get out of here for a bit. Look I gotta go, I have a taxi waiting outside”   
Before Ratty could question him further John was off, sprinting down the corridor as fast as his legs would carry him, suitcase trailing in his wake. He had tunnel vision, only concerned with one thing and that was to remove himself from the source of his anguish and despair. 

Should he have stopped to think before acting? Probably, but when it all gets too much the mind can play dangerous games, especially to someone who already struggled with anxiety. 

………………………….

“He’s what? What do you mean he’s gone away? I don’t understand?!” 

John’s wife Veronica, concerned that she hadn’t heard from her husband for several days, had rang around the studio and hotel where the band were staying in an attempt to track him down. Eventually she got hold of Brian who found it hard not to lie to her. 

“I’m sorry Ronnie, John has....well...he’s taken a flight. First thing this morning. We only found out when we got to the studio and found a note from him” 

“....Wha...where has he gone?” 

“.....I...really don’t know” he struggled. 

“You..don’t know!?” she pressed. 

“No, he didn’t say….” 

Brian cringed as Veronica screamed down the phone at him, she was newly pregnant with the bassist's fourth child and he could only imagine what impact the strain of this situation could have on them both. 

“Ronnie please calm down, I’m sure John is fine, he just needed a break from everything for a while” 

“I could kill him, Veronica sniffed quietly, “I don’t get why he didn’t come home to London for a rest, the children miss him terribly...and so do I” 

Brian felt a pang of sympathy for the woman, with 3 young children at home and another one on the way. He tried to justify his band mates actions whilst leaving out the fact that two of them had had a blazing row just days before. 

“You know what Deaky’s like, every now and then he needs to be left alone. It’s been incredibly stressful in the studio lately, everyone’s been frustrated at one thing or another” 

“I get that, I really do...” Ronnie sighed sadly, “I just wish that he’d called me” 

“He didn’t want to burden you I guess, you have enough on your plate right now. Look I’m sure he’s fine, he’ll be in touch soon and when he does I’ll get him to call you straight away if he hasn’t already” Brian knew this was a blatant lie, when John reacted that way he went off the radar and hardly kept in touch with anyone. 

“....Ok, thank you Brian. I’ll...speak to you soon” 

“Night Ron, take care and please get some rest” 

Sadly for Veronica, rest would be a long time coming 

…………………………………………..

John inhaled deeply, relishing the slight burn of the cigarette smoke filling his lungs. It was a disgusting and unhealthy habit he knew, but smoking had been one of his few comforts of late. He stood on the terrace of his private villa enjoying the feeling of the warm evening breeze tickling his skin and slowly blowing his troubles away. Since landing on the idyllic island several hours ago he’d felt his shoulders drop a good few inches, the weight of the world gradually breaking off and crumbling away. 

He’d had no time to find a place to stay on the island, it had been the last thing on his mind. Instead he’d relied on a very friendly and helpful taxi driver at the airport to take him somewhere luxurious and peaceful. It was a risky strategy, but to John’s relief he soon found himself at the reception desk of an exclusive beachside resort with a mixture of luxury en-suite rooms and secluded separate self-contained villas. 

It was the closest thing to heaven on earth. 

John opted for a villa for privacy reasons. The only one available at such short notice was a massive two storey affair with enough room to sleep at least 6 people, but he didn’t give a toss. Money was no object after all for a millionaire rockstar, he was willing to pay whatever it took at that moment to get the solitude he craved. 

And solitude he must certainly got. 

It was just a few minutes walk from the main resort but was far away enough to not be disturbed or overlooked. It was perfect, just what the doctor ordered. John felt the most relaxed he had in months as he dumped his belongings in the largest bedroom, and explored his base for the next two weeks, though he still had one issue on his mind that he had to deal with… 

Veronica, dear sweet trusting Veronica. 

He’d been in such a manic rush to get away he hadn’t stopped to consider his wife or her feelings. Now though with time to breath, to take stock and consider his options John felt a very brief teeny, tiny shred of guilt. She had announced only 4 weeks ago that she was expecting another baby, and what should have been a joyous occasion was tainted by the start of John’s spiral into depression. 

When told the news of the latest addition to the Deacon household John had been shocked, pasting on a wide grin and hugged his wife warmly, making out that he was over the moon. Veronica was clearly thrilled and excited to be a Mum again, as were the rest of the family, whereas John had simply felt numb. 

He loved his family dearly of course he did, but had been struggling recently in balancing his role in Queen with that of being a good husband and a father to his children. He felt detached from them, as he didn’t see them much whilst recording or on tour, and when he arrived back home he found it hard to revert from famous rock star to being a normal everyday Dad. 

It hadn’t been intentional, not on purpose that is. John’s job was as far removed from a 9-5 lifestyle as you could get. It was chaotic, unpredictable. He had no say 9 times out of 10 in how he got to spend his time whilst working, he was technically self-employed but was constantly constrained by the demands of both his bandmates and the groups record company. 

His family came first, of course, no question, but no one stopped to consider how John felt, how he was doing, was he ok? He was an afterthought, and was starting to feel used, that all he was good for was being a Dad, fathering seemingly endless children thanks to Veronica’s religious refusal to use contraception, and for paying the bills. 

He was working day and night to pay for a lifestyle he never really wanted in the first place, and to keep a wife happy who just seemed to take him for granted. 

Maybe it was time to pull the plug? No, that wouldn’t solve anything. It would most likely only make everything worse. 

John frowned as the last few months weighed heavily on his mind. Images of his children’s disappointed faces on being told he was too busy to take them to the park haunted him, alongside his wife's increasing lack of everyday affection, and his Mother's complaints that he was neglecting his health. 

The pressure made him feel physically sick. 

He had missed birthdays and important milestones in his children’s lives, more than once he’d been away on his wedding anniversary too which hadn’t gone down well. Veronica had said that she understood why, because it was his job etc..., but it was clear she was disappointed with how much John was away from home…and from her. 

John couldn’t put it off any longer, he knew he had to call home, this was going to be painful. 

“Hello, Deacon residence, who’s calling please?” 

Veronica’s quiet voice filtered down the line, it sounded scratchy and tired, and so very far away 

“....Ronnie it’s me…did I wake you?” 

“John?...JOHN?! Where the hell have you been?! Where are you? Why haven’t you called? I’ve been so worried…” 

John wasn’t surprised at Veronica’s reaction. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before continuing. 

“Ron, please calm down. I...look I’m fine but I had to get away for a few days alright, things have been so stressful recently and I needed some space for a bit. I would have come home but it wouldn’t have been fair to bring the stress back with me, and to burden you and the kids. You understand don’t you?” 

“....Where are you?” Ronnie asked quietly, ignoring her husbands question, “Brian said you took a flight somewhere this morning” 

“....Yes I did...I’m in….I’m in Bali” 

To his surprise Veronica burst out laughing, a bitter sounding short and sharp chuckle with an emotional edge to it. 

“I don’t get you sometimes John...I really don’t. You had the perfect opportunity to come home for a few days and relax with us, but instead you run away to bloody Bali even though you supposedly hate flying?” 

“I needed a break....” John replied with gritted teeth. 

“What, and you think I don’t?” Veronica snapped, “I feel like a single bloody mother, I’m raising the kids practically on my own these days because you’re never here” 

John felt his anger start to build, of all the people in his life he would have expected his wife to understand how he felt, and what he was going through right now. She had been there since the early days, before he’d even joined the band and knew the pressures that he regularly faced. 

She knew he was going to be away from home for months on end thanks to his job, whilst touring and recording and to help avoid a huge annual tax bill, yet she had pushed and pushed to have more children, insisting that her dream had always been to have a large family. Well that dream was now in serious danger of turning sour. 

“I’ve told you before Ron, how many more times?! Hire a nanny, we can easily afford it” 

“That’s your answer to everything isn’t it John? To throw money at the problem until it goes away. I may as well get a nanny. What difference would it make to have a stranger raising my children, seeing as you’re practically a stranger to them now” 

“This is exactly why I didn’t come home Ron” John blurted out angrily, “Because I knew you’d react like this. You really expect me to be able to relax at home when all you want to do is start a fight? It’s all we bloody do lately. I’ve been working my arse off for years to provide for you and the kids, given you everything you could ever want and yet it’s never enough is it? You treat me like a sodding cash machine and a sperm donor, a means to an end. I’ve given you three beautiful children and yet that wasn’t enough, you had to go and get bloody pregnant again. You wanted this, well now you need to deal with it” 

Veronica was shocked at her husbands tirade   
“How dare you! She sobbed, “I gave up my career for you John. You’ve always said it was never an issue, that you’d always earn more than enough for the both of us despite my misgivings. What was it you once said to me? If I can’t treat my girl to what she wants and needs, then I’ve failed as a man? You knew from the day we met that I wanted a big family one day. You’ve never ever said you had a problem with that, not once. I tell you everything John, I never keep secrets from you. We should never ever keep secrets from each other, or have you forgotten your vows?” 

“Of course I haven’t Ron…for fucks sake…” 

“Don’t you swear at me John Richard Deacon, I didn’t ask for you to call this late at night and start a fight did I?” 

John ran a hand through his hair in frustration, “I don’t want to fight either, of course I don’t...God I...I only called to let you know where I was, shouldn’t have bloody bothered though should I?” His voice rising in anger. 

“...I don’t have time for this John, it’s getting late, I need to get the children settled” 

“...Fine, I’ll call you tomorrow, give them my love.” 

“....” 

“...Ronnie?” 

“Don’t bother calling tomorrow John as I’m taking the kids to my Mums for a few days, I’ll call you when we’re back” 

John stared at the phone in disbelief, “...But, but I haven’t spoken to them all week!” 

“Well whose fault is that? I’m not disrupting their schedules any further, they need a proper routine” 

“Fine, fine!...but we need to talk about this Veronica, properly and calmly….go and put the kids to bed. I’ll speak to you all soon” 

“...Yeah...we will. Alright well, speak soon then...bye” 

“Yeah...bye” 

John listened with mixed feelings as the receiver clicked off at the other end of the line. He placed the phone slowly back on the desk, letting out a big sigh before suddenly grabbing it and throwing it across the room in a rage.   
He was furious, pacing the room angrily with his hands tugging at his hair. John let out an anguished sob as all the fight drained out of him, and he stumbled over to the couch, sinking to his knees and laying his head wearily across his folded arms. 

The thought of going home didn’t fill John with the joy and happiness it once did. Now it only filled him with dread and despair. He craved time to himself, he needed it to wind down from the chaos of being on the road and in the studio, but he rarely got it. His family lived very structured lives and he was expected to fit in with their plans without question, with no consideration it seemed for his needs or wants. 

And now just to complicate things even more, there was yet another baby on the way 

What a fucking mess. 

…………………………………………………...

John certainly didn’t get any sympathy or joy from Veronica for his predicament, but if he thought he’d get any from his bandmates instead, he was sorely mistaken... 

“You are so damn lucky I picked up instead of Roger”, Brian sighed down the phone, “He literally wants to kill you right now, and to be honest I don’t blame him. He was livid when he found your note, and I stuck up for you. I defended your behaviour, again, and I’m pretty certain I don’t have to tell you how that went down” 

John was not in the mood for another telling off 

Fuck this 

“...Don’t start Bri, I’m well aware of how this is probably going down back home, but right now I honestly couldn’t give a fuck. I just wanted to check in and let you know I’m not dead in a ditch somewhere, not that anyone seems to care right now...I’m sorry I bothered, I gotta go..” 

“John, wait, wait!...Are you really in Bali?” 

“...I am yeah” 

“Bloody hell...have you called home, spoken to Ronnie?” 

“...Yes I have, not that it’s any of your business. Oh and thanks for dropping me in it by the way, she was bloody furious” 

“Oh come on, you can't really blame her can you? Look I’m sorry I gave the game away John but she deserved to know, I mean when she called asking for you, what I was supposed to say? That I didn’t know where you were, hadn’t seen you all week? She would never believe that, not to mention that the poor woman is pregnant and stressed out of her mind right now”   
Don’t bloody remind me, John thought bitterly, you think she’s stressed? What about me? 

“I didn’t mean to put you in that position alright, but I needed some space...you must understand that?” 

Brian wasn’t impressed, “We’ve all been stressed lately John, but there are ways of dealing with it that don’t get peoples backs up....Look I gotta go, Rog will be here any minute. If he catches me talking to you he’ll...well...you get the idea” 

“Yeah, yeah alright...I’ll see you in a couple of weeks then” 

“Yeah…look, just be safe ok. See you soon, bye” 

As John hung up the phone he could only hope that time and distance would soon work their magic and ease the tension and problems in his life. 

It was all fucked up, there was no denying that, both his personal and professional lives currently hung in the balance. All he could do for the next few days was make the best of it, relax as much as possible and try to enjoy his surroundings whilst praying that things would soon sort themselves out. 

Life, however, was never that simple. 

…………………….. 

Urgh, you have got to be kidding me... 

John stared at his bedside clock in disbelief. It felt as if his head had hit the pillow just minutes ago, but in reality he’d been dozing restlessly for several hours. He’d tossed and turned all that time despite the air conditioning being on full blast. His mind had been racing, not allowing him to settle. 

3am?....fuck my life, I thought going on holiday was meant to be relaxing? 

John felt anything but relaxed. He was still on edge from the previous day's events, with his wife’s and bandmates angry words still running through his head. Rather than feeling chastised though he felt fed up, used and abused. Forever the naughty schoolboy being made to stand in the corner for his supposed wrong doings, and for having the audacity to speak up and stand up for himself. 

At least that was how he felt. 

Or did he? 

Was it simply the jet lag and tiredness making John think that way, or had he really had enough? Had it actually got to the point where he could easily pack it all in and walk away? 

It was so confusing. 

His head was in a mess, just like his whole damn life. 

John sighed deeply and unhappily as he stared up at the ceiling willing for proper sleep to come and take him under, but it wasn’t to be. Instead he felt anxious and fidgety, his eyes burning with fatigue feeling red, hot and sore. A sadly familiar feeling of despair slowly crept over him, something he’d hoped to have left back in Munich, but it seemed the stress in his life was simply too strong to shrug off that easily. 

John eventually gave in and clambered out of bed, reaching for his cigarettes. He flicked on the bedside lamp and then wandered over to the balcony, opening the doors to take a seat as he lit up. It was a beautiful night. The sky twinkled with the lights of a thousand stars. He took a long drag then blew out a breath, watching the resulting smoke drift slowly up and outwards. 

He got lost in the patterns for a moment, letting his mind wander. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back. It was eerily quiet. Only the sounds of nearby crickets and waves crashing onto the beach nearby could be heard, it should have been soothing, on any other day it would have been, but right now John’s frazzled mind wasn’t receptive to anything of that nature. 

Time lost all meaning after a while, cigarette after cigarette literally went up in smoke as John stared blankly out into the night, all hopes of a good first night’s rest now being a distant dream. He had no idea how long he’d been sat there for and didn’t care all that much, he was finally in a place in a physical sense at least where he couldn’t be got at, where most people wouldn’t recognise him and he could be himself for a change without being judged. 

Oh that note… 

Fuck it, I need a drink. 

John declared silently to the moonlit night, beyond the point now of giving a toss about anything other than the pursuit of his own pleasure. 

He wandered downstairs to the bar in the living room, which he’d yet to investigate. It was fully stocked with every kind of alcoholic drink imaginable, and a few more besides. John had never been much of a drinker until quite recently, it was another unhealthy habit he’d picked up as a way of coping with excess stress in his life. One drink tonight though wouldn’t hurt, a small glass of whiskey to wash down the remnants of his jetlag and yet another cigarette. 

John took a seat outside on the terrace, nursing a glass of Scotland's finest. He pulled his knees up and leaned back, enjoying the slight burn of the hard liquor as it slid down his throat. It went down nicely with his favourite brand of tobacco which he had stocked up with at the airport. Without it he’d no doubt be even more tetchy and pissed off. 

As the night turned to morning, one drink soon became two, then three...before John knew it the entire bottle had gone, washed down with several shots of vodka for good measure. It wasn’t sensible at all considering he hadn’t eaten since landing on the island the day before. He’d been too stressed to even think about food though, his stomach had churched with nerves from the flight which made him feel a little queasy. 

No, food could come later when John was more settled, when he no longer felt as if the bottom had fallen out of his world. 

John felt well and truly sorry for himself, knocking back drink after drink. It wasn’t long before he was necking it straight from the bottle, gulping down large swigs as he staggered around. He was bored, there was only so much of staring into the night with just the stars for company that he could take. 

John was so drunk that he managed to stumble over his own feet, finding himself back inside and falling onto the couch. He didn’t have the energy to even try and get up, instead he stayed where he was letting the now empty bottle of vodka fall to the floor to join the others he’d put away. 

John was normally a happy, smiley drunk. He would amuse those around him with his dorky declarations of love and outlandish dance moves. Tonight though there was a darker mood in the room. Instead of being relaxed John was now overtired to the verge of tears, extremely emotional, and to add insult to injury, very horny. 

John could quite happily fuck anyone at the moment, it didn’t matter who, he just needed some sexual relief. He was all alone though with no chance of seeking out a willing partner at this ungodly hour, or in his inebriated state so he would have to fly solo. 

John’s cock was starting to strain uncomfortably which made him fidget. He fumbled with his belt, trying and failing miserably to free his half hard erection from the confines of his shorts before the moment passed. He sighed in frustration, flapping his arms about and almost smacked himself in the face in the process. 

Eventually after several attempts John got his belt and shorts undone, to his annoyance though he was too far gone now to make a proper go of it. His cock twitched with interest but clearly not enough to give the release he craved. No matter how much he tried John couldn’t coax even the feeblest of climaxes from his boozed up body, it simply wasn't going to happen. 

Urgh, come on, what’s wrong with you? 

John gave up after several long minutes of trying, his cock now laying soft and limp against his thigh. Nothing seemed to be going right for him at the moment. With the sun now starting to rise John slowly turned over onto his side, tucking his knees in and curling up like a baby, letting his tears of anger and frustration fall down his cheeks. It was a pathetic sight really, a grown man in tears with his trousers around his ankles, surrounded by empty bottles all over the floor. 

Eventually tiredness and the excess alcohol took their toll and John passed out where he lay, totally dead to the world. Not even a bomb going off would rouse him from his slumber. It wouldn’t be a refreshing sleep at all, far from it, but at least John had gotten a little of his frustration and angst out of his system. With any luck the coming days would help to erase the rest of it, that’s if Lady Luck was willing to pay a much needed visit. 

………………………. 

John cracked an eye open and winced at the sudden brightness in the room. He took a deep raggedy breath and tried again, blinking rapidly as the room seemed to take an age to come into focus. He rolled over awkwardly onto his back and had to swallow down the urge to be sick as the four walls around him span and wobbled violently. 

It was like being on a rollercoaster...with a stomach upset...and the migraine from hell...and you’re surrounded by excitable kids...who won’t stop screaming in your ear. 

Fuck, I’m never drinking again. 

Well, for the next 24 hours at least... 

There was no denying the fact that John felt like absolute shit, and didn’t look much better either. His head was pounding harder than he’d ever experienced in his life. What he wanted more than anything was something to put him out of his misery, a bullet to the head would probably be less painful and more enjoyable than his current predicament. 

As hangovers go this one was pretty horrific. John had awoken in a state of half undress, with his cock hanging out, and his mouth dryer than the sahara. Once he was able to sit up without heaving he steadied himself with a shaky hand and caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror across the room. What he saw was not pretty and made him grimace. 

The man looking back at him was almost unrecognisable. John’s already wild hair was now totally out of control, sticking up at mad angles all over his head. There were impressive bags under his dead, sunken eyes, and a chinful of stubble that could double up as sandpaper. It was the face of a man who’d had enough of life and had hit rock bottom. 

John was feeling very sorry for himself in addition to being as sick as a parrot. He was craving human contact. He didn’t want or need sex this time, he simply wanted a friendly face. Someone to talk to, and to just sit quietly with him. He figured though in his current state not many people on the island would be willing. 

He had to sort himself out.   
It was incredibly tempting to stay where he was and attempt to sleep off his hangover, but something deep down told John that if he could muster the energy to get off his arse and get moving then he’d feel a whole lot better. 

John really hated himself sometimes. 

An hour later, freshly showered and hydrated, John felt a little less ropey which was a start. It was slow going but any progress was better than none. He ambled about like an old man, taking his time to try and make the villa look a bit more presentable, but gave up when the effort simply proved too much. He made a mental note to leave a very generous tip for the chambermaid who would have to deal with the mess. 

It was a beautiful day, balmy with a gentle warm breeze rolling off the sea. By now it was close to lunch time and John’s stomach reminded him that he hadn’t eaten in over 24 hours. He didn’t fancy facing the world just yet though, he needed to wallow a little longer in his self pity, shift his banging headache and get his mojo back. 

John settled instead for curling up in a hammock in the private garden attached to the villa, in a perfect shady spot overlooking the pool and the numerous lush trees and flower beds. It was gloriously quiet and peaceful, the ideal place to kick back and chill, to enjoy the fresh air and to see off his ills in tranquility. A sort of pity party for one. 

John phoned through to room service for some food, and soon found himself presented with an array of fresh and healthy produce. Platters of mango, papaya, guava and lychees, with local cheeses, bread, dips and sliced meats. It was enough to keep him going all day which was just as well really seeing as he was pretty much settled, and quite content to not move a muscle. 

John sat back stretching his legs out, rolled up the sleeves of his linen shirt and nibbled slowly at his lunch. He listened to the sounds of birds chirping happily nearby and sighed deeply to himself. This wasn’t how he’d imagined his first full day on the island, holed up alone and wallowing in self pity. 

Ah fuck it, John thought to himself a little grumpily whilst lighting up a cigarette, it’s my holiday and I’ll do whatever I damn well want. 

John attempted to bat away thoughts of life back home, and what he might face on his return as he whiled away the afternoon, hiding behind his oversized sunglasses. He had found a little transistor radio in his villa on arrival which he’d set up next to him and tuned into a local station playing nothing but 60’s rock classics. 

John folded his arms protectively across his chest, leaned back and let the dulcet tones of The Beatles, Rolling Stones and Jimi Hendrix wash over him. It was the stuff he’d listened to as a teenager and that had inspired him to pick up a guitar for the first time way back when. It bought back some happy and not so happy memories from his formative years, but the good times certainly outweighed the bad.   
With a full stomach and several jugs of sparkling water consumed, John was starting to feel much better, well physically at least. His headache had finally gone and he no longer wanted to crawl under a rock to hibernate. It was amazing what a good dose of fresh air could do. 

Mentally however John still had a way to go. 

There was a lingering doubt at the back of his mind, several actually. He currently doubted his abilities in many areas of his life, not only as a parent but also as a musician. 

The best way John could describe his life right now was as a jigsaw puzzle with the last piece missing. He felt incomplete, unfulfilled. He had achieved so much in his life since leaving school and moving to London but...there was always a but. He couldn’t articulate easily what was actually missing. John was a complex soul, an infuriating one at times as well. He would get tired and worn out from recording and touring, yet end up bored to tears once back at home with little to do. 

He needed balance in his life, but didn’t know how to get it. 

Others seemed to make it look easy, he both envied them and admired them with equal measure, but was too stubborn and pig headed to seek help. It simply wasn’t the done thing to admit as a man who seemingly had everything that he was suffering. The press would have a field day. He would never live it down. Instead John had to soldier on, dragging around his troubles like an overloaded rucksack that he couldn’t put down. 

Eventually the sun set and darkness descended on the island, which prompted John to reluctantly head back indoors. Bali may have been a tropical paradise but the temperature still dropped low enough of an evening to make the man shiver. Several hours of fresh air had worked their magic and he felt much more human again, even if he didn’t look it. 

John caught a glimpse of himself as he undressed for bed and was surprised at how ridiculously red he was. He was glowing all over like a shiny freshly cooked lobster. 

Guess I’ll be buying some sunscreen tomorrow then, he thought to himself with annoyance. Only I could burn in the sodding shade. 

With the air con running quietly in the background John took only minutes to drift off into a much needed deep sleep, sprawled out on his stomach on top of the bed covers wearing nothing but a pair of boxers. A well fed belly and abstaining from alcohol for the day had done wonders for both his mind and body, allowing him to get some proper rest for the first time in what felt like forever. 

John still had his issues, a fair amount of baggage keeping one foot in the door, looking over his shoulder and whispering annoyingly in his ear. Though for the next few days at least he was determined to push past the pain and focus on himself for a change. 

Sod everyone else. 

It wouldn’t be easy but would be worth the effort. John owed it to himself to be selfish for a change and focus on his own wants and needs, everyone else would have to wait. 

……………….

John woke the next morning with a clear head and renewed sense of purpose, that was at least to finally get out of the solitude of his villa and go exploring. The light streaming through the windows just after 6am would normally wind him up, but here in the glorious tropical setting of Kuta it didn’t bother him at all. 

It looked like being another glorious day so John decided to spend the day wandering about the resort to get his bearings, followed by a trip to the local beach. 

First things first though, suncream. 

With essential supplies in hand and a bottle of water, John took his time getting to know his surroundings. The resort was exquisite and perfectly appointed with all the amenities and luxuries a guest could ever want or dream of including a spa, several swimming pools and restaurants serving the finest local and international cuisine. What with all that and the lush gardens and close access to a beautiful, white sandy beach John knew he’d made the right choice of destination. 

John lost track of time as he ambled about taking everything in. Not that it mattered much, time didn’t really have any meaning on the island. The culture was laid back and relaxed with any attempts to rush things along being laughed at or simply ignored. 

Eventually John found himself at the beach, appreciating the feel of the soft and almost white sand beneath his feet. He walked for a while, taking in the sights, sounds and scents. He smiled at a group of young children splashing about in the shallow waters of the seashore, and admired the skills of the surfers in the distance riding the impressive and dangerous looking waves. 

John was in his element. 

After a while John’s legs and feet started to ache from the efforts of trudging through the sand. He picked a quiet spot and sat himself down, spreading his legs out in front of him and leaning back on his elbows. 

The warm sea breeze ruffled his hair and soothed his sun-kissed skin. He felt at peace and content with himself for the first time in...well he couldn’t say in how long, but no matter. He savoured the moment, leaning his head back and breathed in the healthy sea air. 

John sat like that for some time, sipping his water and indulging in a spot of people watching, his troubles temporarily forgotten. He only got moving again when the sun started to set, prompting him to make a slow walk back to the resort for some much needed dinner. 

As he walked back up the beach John came across the same group of surfers he’d seen taming the waves earlier. A friendly and athletic looking bunch, one of whom caught John’s eye. He considered himself to be straight despite some experimentation during his college days, but still appreciated a good looking man when he saw one. 

This particular guy was tall, lean but muscular, and sported a head of shoulder length wavy, dirty blonde hair. John tried not to stare as the handsome stranger laughed with his companions. There was something about him, something John couldn’t put his finger on. 

John eventually tore himself away as his stomach started to rumble loudly, reminding him it had been several hours since he’d last eaten. He managed to get the surfers out of his mind as he whiled away the evening indulging in a delicious meal whilst chatting casually to his fellow diners. 

John reflected on his day as he settled down for the night, lounging in bed and repressing a yawn. It had been everything he’d hoped for; quiet, peaceful and relaxing with the least amount of effort. As he attempted to get to sleep though there was one thing that he couldn’t get out of his head, the blonde surfer he’d seen on the beach. 

Why the guy had caught John’s attention so vividly he wasn’t entirely sure. Maybe it was the blonde hair, maybe it was the infectious laughter, or maybe it was simply because John was craving some proper human company. 

Whatever the reason, the guy had certainly made an impression on John.

An impression that would turn out to be life changing.


	2. Chapter 2

_ I could get used to this, I need one of these at home.  _

John smiled contentedly as he swung lazily from side to side. He’d originally planned a full day of fun looking activities for his second day on the island, but had instead ended up in a hammock overlooking one of the many communal plunge pools dotted about the resort. It was horribly indulgent in some ways, some might say a waste of his precious time, but to John this was heaven. 

Even more heavenly was the fact that since he’d arrived no one seemed to have recognised him. He was one quarter of one of the biggest rock groups on the planet, yet in this quiet slice of paradise he was anonymous, a lone figure blending into the crowd. He’d never wanted fame and despised the many pitfalls that came with it, dodging the paparazzi and autograph hunters every time he left the house, not being able to walk down the high street without people staring etc...it was tiresome but he simply couldn’t walk away. 

There was an invisible string tying him to the group, to the music and to his band mates, one that was too difficult to sever. Every time John was tempted to get the metaphorical scissors out something held him back, usually a combination of guilt and loyalty. The money helped too he had to admit. He was a millionaire now, they all were thanks to several best selling albums and record breaking tours. It helped to soften the blow a little, though to John money wasn’t everything. It certainly wasn’t as important as it had been in the early days. 

He would have been happy with just a few quid in the bank, enough to keep the wolf from the door with a little extra for a rainy day, instead he had the burden of a not so small pile to look after. It was a nice problem to have in many ways, others in the entertainment industry weren’t so fortunate his friends would say,  _ you don’t know how lucky you are _ , but to John it was nothing to do with fortune or luck, he’d worked bloody hard to be where he was now, sacrificing the simple home life he’d craved for something far far bigger. 

John was a quiet and shy man around people he didn’t know, and yet he dared to bare his soul on stage every night in front of thousands. The press had vilified him in the past for his live persona, accusing him of appearing nonchalant, bored even and disrespectful of the audience. The truth was John simply didn’t want the attention to be on him, why would he when he was flanked by a charismatic frontman and guitarist who were the epitome of rock and roll? In his mind he couldn’t compete, so he simply didn’t try. 

John shook his head irritably, frowning at the dark and depressing thoughts about life back home that had started popping into his head again. He was meant to be relaxing after all, not beating himself up. It was as if he had a tiny devil on his shoulder whispering into his ear, doing its best to derail his attempts at chilling out. Being left alone with his thoughts for more than a day or so clearly wasn’t a good thing, no matter how pleasant the surroundings. 

It was time to get off his well rested arse and find something to do.

…………………………..

Yoga...of all the things John thought he might end up doing on holiday, yoga certainly hadn’t been one of them. It had seemed a great idea at the time, one of those activities that you have to try when in Bali, at least that’s what the hotel concierge had told him. Not knowing much about the island, John had asked for recommendations of things to do that wouldn’t be too taxing, one of which was a yoga class at a local retreat. 

John was sceptical, but on hearing other guests raving about it he felt he had to give it a go. So that’s how he found himself later on that morning in a room full of enlightened souls, twisting and stretching his limbs into all sorts of weird and wonderful poses. After just half an hour though John was starting to have serious regrets, he was hot and uncomfortably sweaty with muscles aching that he didn’t even know he had. 

_ This is so gonna hurt tomorrow...what the hell was I thinking?  _

The second the class was over John collapsed in an undignified heap, sighing in relief. He stretched his sore arms above his head, vowing never to be persuaded to engage in something so vigorous ever again. As the class gradually dispersed and went their separate ways John hauled himself up off the floor and made to leave. 

Before John reached the door though something caught his attention, something out of the corner of his eye. John did a double take, almost walking into the wall when he realised it was the blonde surfer from yesterday. He’d been taking part in the class too it seemed, how had John not noticed? Probably because he’d been too busy with tying himself literally in knots. He tried not to stare as he lingered for a moment by the exit, watching the handsome stranger talk animatedly with the class instructor whom he seemed to know very well. 

John only got moving when he realised he’d been watching for a second too long and the guy noticed, turning his head to look in John’s direction. 

_ Shit. He must think I’m a right weirdo, staring at him like that.  _

John rushed from the room in embarrassment, but not before seeing the guy flash him a small smile. It sent shivers down his spine, the sort of sensation that a teenager might experience on being noticed by their first crush. 

_ What the hell is wrong with you?! _

John berated himself as he headed back to the resort to freshen up. He had to admit though at the same time he felt a small thrill at having attracted the guys attention, albeit very briefly. 

John ran a hand through his sweaty hair and shook his head in bemusement. He hadn’t felt this way about someone for….well, for years to be frank. Not even his wife had that effect on him anymore. Nowadays it usually took a fair amount of persuasion on her part to tempt him to lay with her, and she usually only made the effort herself because her biological clock had started ticking again. 

It was hardly romantic. 

John put that thought to the back of his head as he arrived at the villa for a much needed shower. He took his time, leisurely letting the steaming hot water wash his negative thoughts away. It worked to some extent, as well as easing his sore aching muscles. By the time he was done over 20 minutes later he was in a much better frame of mind again, and looking forward to a chilled out afternoon. 

Not wanting to risk anything more strenuous, John settled on spending most of the afternoon on the beach with a good book for company. He wasn’t much of a reader back home beyond scrutinising song lyrics or recording contracts, he simply didn’t have the time. Here though, well he had few distractions so it seemed the ideal way to while away a few hours whilst keeping his brain occupied. 

John found a secluded and shady spot close to a bar in case he fancied some liquid refreshment, and spread himself out, laying on his back initially then flipping over onto his front after an hour or so. He got lost in the story he was reading, a gripping tale of murderous lust. A sort of whodunnit for the modern age. It was a real page turner and one that John couldn’t put down, so he was a little disappointed when he finished the book so soon before the day was done. 

He really needed to learn to read a little slower. 

John closed the book, sat up and pulled his knees up to his chest. He sat there contentedly for a while indulging in a spot of people watching, he always found it fascinating to observe people despite his hesitancy and shyness around those he didn’t know very well. He liked to watch from afar, admiring from a safe distance whilst keeping himself safely closed off. This strategy hadn’t made him many friends over the years but that was just how John liked it. 

He’d always maintained it was better to have just a handful of close friends, that you could really rely on and confess your problems to, than to have hundreds of casual acquaintances who didn’t really have your best interests at heart. It was fake, just showing off. One of the many things about the music industry that John despised. 

Was there anything he didn’t despise? 

The dark thoughts were starting to creep back again, to John’s annoyance. Maybe it was better to embrace them, let them come and do their worst rather than waste his energy on trying to bat them away or block them completely? It may be a healthier strategy? 

_ Perhaps I should see a therapist?  _

It wasn’t like John couldn't afford it, but the idea of a stranger knowing his innermost thoughts and secrets made him feel a bit sick. They were bound to strict codes of confidentiality; he knew that of course, but still...he had visions of his picture being splashed across the tabloids accompanied by sensationalist headlines.

John shuddered at the thought, pulling his knees even tighter to his chest, protectively almost. Protecting himself from an invisible enemy, one that mocked him silently, that prodded and poked at him in a relentless attempt to break him down. 

In reality the enemy was his own brain.

How do you fix that? With great difficulty in John’s case. 

He wondered sometimes if he was going mad. John’s mental health had been fragile for years, ever since he’d lost his Dad suddenly as a young boy. It had been claimed more than once by those close to the man that he’d never fully recovered from the loss, it had been that devastating. John didn’t like to talk about it, even with his friends and family. It wouldn’t bring his Father back, so what was the point? 

John had suddenly gone from chilled and content to treading the depths of despair within minutes, again. It was a vicious circle that he was finding increasingly hard to break and was fed up with. 

There had to be a solution.

John wanted to scream, to let his frustrations out, but he could hardly do that on a packed beach surrounded by young children. He had to find a practical and healthy outlet for his stress, a run along the beach perhaps? No, knowing his luck John would only roll an ankle on the sand and land himself in a suspect looking hospital with a plaster cast on his foot. Sport of any kind was probably best avoided. 

_ Time for another book, if I can find a decent one.  _

John hauled himself up, dusted himself off and made a slow walk back to his villa in the hope of finding more epic novels to while away the rest of the day. He figured reading was his best bet for keeping his mind occupied whilst giving his body a chance to rest. 

About half way back to the resort John frowned as a familiar figure appeared on the horizon. 

_...Is that?....no, it can’t be?....surely?  _

John squinted into the sunset wondering if he was seeing things. Nope, he wasn’t going blind, senile or had unwittingly consumed a drink spiked with some exotic hallucinogenic drug, there in the near distance was the blonde surfer. Again. 

Everywhere John went the guy seemed to be as well, popping up seemingly out of nowhere. Was it a coincidence or had he gained himself a stalker? John laughed to himself at that thought, it was ludicrous really. 

_ A stalker indeed, I should be so lucky! _

It was a small resort, and a relatively small part of the island so seeing the same faces on a regular basis was perfectly normal right? Of course, John told himself a little unconvincingly, it wasn’t weird at all. Was it? John shook those thoughts away as he arrived back at his villa, instead choosing to focus on what to do for dinner that night. 

It had been another long day in heavenly paradise and the man needed food...and some company. It was odd. John relished his privacy, to have space around him, quietness and time alone, and yet despite all that right now he felt, well, lonely to be frank. He could call home but didn’t relish another fight or at best a strained conversation with his wife and bandmates. 

That certainly wouldn’t scratch the itch. 

No, what John needed right now was someone unbiased to talk to face to face. A dinner companion or drinking buddy to chew the fat with, to get high on life together over a beer or two (or ten?) and put the world to rights. Someone who ideally didn’t know who he was, and who he could be himself around. 

There had to be someone at the resort who fitted the bill, other than an insincerely sympathetic barman or waitress. Just one person who was willing. Just one...surely that wasn’t too much to ask? 

After yet another meal where John had eaten alone, he headed to one of the outside bars overlooking the pool area, and grabbed himself a seat trying not to appear too desperate or needy. It had slowly dawned on him since he’d arrived at the resort that it, and the island itself, were both a magnet for loved up or adventurous couples. 

Everywhere you looked there were displays of affection which only served to fuel John’s growing depression and loneliness. He longed for something similar, to have someone to share his time with who wouldn’t judge. Who appreciated his company. John was starting to think he was a lost cause, destined to be alone forever, well in his head at least. 

John was married, had been for over 10 years but he may as well be single for all the good it did him. The honeymoon period was well and truly over, with little intimacy between him and his wife, neither emotionally or physically. He stuck around for the children, to try and give them as normal an upbringing as possible, though deep down he felt resentful more often than not of being lumbered with a home life he never really wanted, if he was brutally honest with himself. 

_ Bugger this, may as well call it a night.  _

Fed up with sitting by himself and of failing to engage in any meaningful or entertaining conversations, John decided to throw in the towel. Better luck tomorrow and all that. He downed the last of his beer and with a sad sigh prepared to leave. 

“You know we really should stop meeting like this, people will talk”

John was so startled by a sudden low voice behind him that he stumbled and fell right off his bar stool, landing in an undignified heap on the ground. He looked up and was met with a familiar shaggy blonde head of hair and a concerned face with a pair of vivid blue eyes that sparkled with mischief. 

“Christ mate, are you ok?!” 

John was struck dumb for a moment, losing the power of speech. The mysterious stranger he’d been drawn to and kept seeing all over the resort was suddenly stood right over him, and he was stunning. 

Absolutely stunning. 

“...I, erm…I...” John stammered, feeling his face flush. 

“Here, let me help you up” The guy held out his hand which John hesitantly took. The man's grip was strong and he easily got John back on his feet with little effort. 

“I erm, I hope you don’t do that to everyone you meet for the first time?” John replied quietly, trying to keep a tremor from his voice. 

“Oh no, only the interesting ones. Look I’m really sorry about that, I didn’t mean to startle you. How about we start over? My names Matt” 

_ Interesting? He doesn’t know me and he thinks I’m interesting? _

“That’s ok, no harm done. I’m John” 

_ Fuck me, he’s gorgeous... _

“It’s a pleasure to meet you John. It’s also good to put a name to a face. I’ve seen you around the resort the last few days and well, not to sound like a creep or anything, but I gotta admit I’ve been keen to find out who you were. It’s not often you come across such intriguing people in life”

_ Please tell me this guy isn’t a nutter or serial killer?  _

“Intriguing isn’t, erm a word people normally associate with me” John stammered a little nervously with a raised eyebrow. 

“Yeah? Well, the night is still young, let me buy you a drink, then I can find out if you really are as intriguing as you seem. What do you say?” 

John was nervous but had to admire the balls on the guy, and he did seem to be good fun and full of wit (not to mention drop dead handsome) which was just the kind of person that he’d been yearning to make contact with. This could turn out to be an interesting night after all.

“Yeah...alright, why not? I’ll have a beer, thanks” 

John was the sort to usually run a mile from such a proposition, but this time was different, after all, he’d been intrigued himself about the man since first coming across him on the beach, and now the perfect opportunity to find out more about him had fallen into his lap and knocked him off his perch, quite literally. 

John would be crazy not to take advantage, he just had to be cautious, keep his wits about him without coming across as cold or unapproachable. Something he was very very good at. 

The two men got settled at the bar, pulling up a stool to face each other. It was a quiet and cool evening so they had the place to themselves. At least in John’s case he tried to get settled. He could feel his heart thumping in his chest as he attempted to get comfortable, and his stomach was churning. Both classic signs of nerves. 

Nerves that could end the night before it had even started. 

Nerves that threatened to turn John into a quivering, babbling, incoherent mess. 

_ Get a hold of yourself man, it’s just a drink. One drink...with a good looking guy, a very good looking guy. _

Shit. 

“Well cheers John” Matt held up his beer, “Here’s to...another day in paradise” 

“Yes, cheers” John mimicked his companion before taking a large swig of his drink to fortify his courage.

_ Steady, you don’t want to get pissed too soon and embarrass yourself. _

“So, what brings you to the island then John? I take it you’re on vacation?” 

“Erm, yeah. Yeah I am. I er, just fancied a break somewhere a bit different. It was a...spur of the moment thing you know? I got here a couple of days ago” 

“Well you chose the right place my friend, I’ve been coming here for years and I never get tired of it”

“You holiday here every year?” 

“No, I work here. I come over for the summer months, teaching people to surf mostly, with the odd shift behind the bar if I’m needed” 

“You’re Australian right?”

“Born and bred in Brisbane” Matt nodded, “You’re British yeah?”

“How did you guess?” John chuckled, “Everywhere I go, people seem to know I’m English, sometimes even before I open my mouth” 

“Well, no offence but even without the accent you do have a typically British look about you” 

John frowned, “How do you mean?” 

“You’re not used to being out in the sun all day are you?” 

John stared blankly for a moment, then caught a glimpse of himself in a mirror behind the bar and did a double take. To his horror, his face was glowing as red as Rudolph's nose and was starting to peel. It was not a sexy look. 

“Ah...yeah….no I’m not really…”

John dabbed a hand at his face self consciously. 

“I’ve seen a lot worse believe me” Matt smiled, “But never fear, I’ve got something that’ll clear that up in no time” 

John frowned as Matt reached into his back pocket and pulled out a small plastic bottle. 

“This is aloe vera” Matt explained whilst pouring a small amount into the palm of his hand. “It works wonders on sunburn. It’s best to keep this in the fridge to keep it nice and cold. It works best that way, but even at room temperature it should still help soothe that red face of yours. May I?”

John panicked for a second at Matt’s expectant look, his question being more of a statement. He wasn’t sure how he felt about someone he’d only just met touching him, it seemed so intimate, and not something he was all that comfortable with. Saying that though, he didn’t want to come across as uptight. 

John nodded after a moment's hesitation and leaned forward slowly and a little nervously, giving Matt permission to apply the substance to his skin. He closed his eyes and tried not to fidget as the other man gently dabbed and stroked across his cheeks, nose and temples. Matt's touch was surprisingly firm but gentle, which made John wonder whether he had done this before. 

“There, all done”

John opened his eyes and was met with the sight of Matt watching him with a smug look on his face. 

“Feels better doesn’t it?” 

John had to admit it did, and he felt a lot more relaxed which he hadn’t expected. 

“...Yeah, yeah it does...thank you”

“My pleasure. Here, keep this for any top ups” Matt pressed the bottle into John’s hand with a wink, “I have plenty more of the stuff back home” 

John smiled gratefully taking another sip of his drink. 

“I know who to come to next time then” John joked a little nervously, tucking the bottle away into his shirt pocket.

“Get yourself some decent sunscreen and some after sun and you’ll be fine, though...you’re more than welcome to drop by my place for a face or back massage whenever you want if you need to unwind, I’m a qualified massage therapist too you know” 

_ ….Is he hitting on me?  _

“You’re multi-talented then?” John offered with a tilt of his head. 

“Oh I wouldn’t say that” Matt scoffed, “I just do what I do, and I enjoy it. It pays the bills, keeps a roof over my head, food on the table and most importantly it keeps me out of trouble...well, most of the time”

John raised an eyebrow in response and sipped at his drink, he wanted to know more but was too shy to ask. Thankfully he didn’t need to though, as Matt took his questioning facial expression as an invitation to reveal more about himself, more than John could ever have expected from someone he had only just met. It would turn out to be an eye opener in more ways than one. 

“Maybe I’ve said too much already?!” Matt chuckled at the astonished look on John’s face. 

“Well I…”

“Have you ever surfed John?” Matt asked, interrupting John’s attempt at asking a question himself, “Because I reckon you’d be real good at it”

“...Erm, can’t say I have no…” 

“You don’t know what you’re missing out on John! but you’d pick it up easily I reckon, no sweat. You’ve got the flexibility and strength to handle it, that was clear from the yoga class, not to mention a love of the great outdoors. It'll be perfect for you, I can teach you if you want?”

John didn’t quite know how to respond to that. 

“...I, erm...well…”

“People make out surfing is the hardest sport in the world” Matt continued, “but that’s nonsense. Anyone can do it if they put in the effort and have the right mindset. You need patience and a good sense of balance too of course, but if you go in with the right attitude from the off then you’re already halfway there” 

_ Jesus...what have I got myself into here?  _

Matt leaned forward and gently gripped John’s bicep, “You clearly work out, I mean look at these guns! They’re impressive. And those thighs man...yep, you’ll have no trouble out there in the water believe me” 

John felt his face heat up, and to his embarrassment his groin too at Matt’s complimentary words. 

He crossed his legs in an attempt to hide his body’s obvious response, desperately hoping that Matt hadn’t noticed. John was used to both men and women attempting to flirt with him, especially after a concert or during an after party, it came with the territory of being a world famous rockstar, but the people concerned were usually stoned, shit faced on cheap booze or a combination of the two. 

Matt appeared to be neither, or if he was he was an expert at hiding it. 

“So tell me, what do you do for a living then John?” 

_ ….Balls, What do I tell him? He clearly hasn’t recognised me...do I come clean or make something up? _

“I erm, I work in the music business” John simply couldn’t lie, but chose to hold back on the finer details. 

“Yeah? Awesome! Doing what exactly?” 

“Oh this and that” John answered vaguely, “A bit of song writing, production. I play the bass and guitar occasionally too with my band” 

“Now that is cool” Matt was impressed, his eyes sparkling with curiosity, “You been involved with anything I might have heard of?” 

“Oh I doubt it...” John shrugged, “Nothing major anyway...” 

“You’re too modest I’m sure of it” Matt smiled, “Look, I have the next few days off. How about I show you around the island? I can take you places the tourists never get to see, off the beaten track”

“It would be rude not to” John smiled. After all he nothing else planned and plenty of time to kill. Such an opportunity may never come his way ever again, and whilst he may well look back in weeks, months, years to come even and wonder what on earth he was doing, he knew deep down he would never regret it. 

“I’ll make it worth your while, believe me” Matt said in reassurance. “Meet me at the main reception at 6am, and make sure you have a good pair of walking shoes, oh and plenty of water and sun cream too”

_...6am…? _

John made a face without thinking. He wasn’t a naturally early riser, and never had been. Yes ok he’d been up with the owls (did they have owls on Bali?) the last couple of days but only because he’d had no official schedule to stick to. See, John was the sort who struggled with getting out of bed if he had to be somewhere first thing in the morning, but on his days off to his annoyance he’d be wide awake before dawn. 

“I’ll take that as a a no then” Matt laughed, “I just thought you’d have like to see the sunrise at the beach, it’s legendary round these parts” 

“Oh I’ve seen enough sunrises in my time, the world over” John replied casually, “You’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all. I’ll settle for seeing in the sunset with you though, as a compromise, over dinner?” 

“You’re on” Matt smiled, “You’ll work up a good appetite after my private surfing lesson tomorrow morning”

……………………………………………….

John had promised himself just the previous day not to get involved in anything strenuous or remotely resembling exercise after his brief dabble with yoga, yet here he was squeezed into an ill fitting wetsuit whilst kneeling precariously on a surfboard. 

_ Easy my arse,  _ John thought grumpily to himself whilst trying desperately to keep his balance.  _ What the hell was I thinking?  _

“You’re doing great John, don’t panic” Matt called out.

_ That’s easy for him to say. _

John took a deep breath and with a monumental effort tried one more time to get upright on the board, wobbling violently as he attempted to plant both feet firmly in place without slipping. His thigh and calf muscles screamed in protest. 

“That’s it!” Matt shouted encouragingly, “You’re almost there!”

For a nanosecond John thought he might actually do it, and be able to get upright on the board but no, the moment he released his death like grip and raised his chest, of course it was game over. 

It was quite a sight, a fed up and bedraggled John trudging through the surf, trying to retain what little dignity he had left. He was breathing heavily, his limbs feeling like lead. His hair hanging in limp ringlets around his face, dripping stinging, salty water into his eyes. 

He was not happy. 

By the time John made it back to the beach and the relative safety of dry (or should that be damp?) land the man was completely done, wanting nothing more than a warm shower and cool bed. Sadly though an annoyingly enthusiastic Matt had other ideas. 

“Great job John, you did real good for your first time” Matt clapped John on the shoulder, “You’ll be riding those waves in no time” 

“There won’t be a next time” John gritted out, “Ever” 

Matt raised an eyebrow at John’s remark, “Ah come on John, don’t be like that. You’re being too hard on yourself, you did fine for a newbie, better than most actually. It normally takes weeks of daily training to get anywhere near to what you managed today, you should be proud of yourself” 

“I’ll have to take your word for it, but please, no more surfing. It simply isn’t for me” John raised pleading eyes in Matt's direction, hoping he wouldn’t have to be even more rude or blunt to get his point across. 

“Ok, ok…” Matt was disappointed but accepted John’s decision, “At least you gave it a go. Seriously though you did great, you have amazing strength and balance even though you didn’t manage to stay on your feet for long. What do you do to stay in such great shape?”

“I’m just lucky I guess” John mumbled as he shook the water from his hair and out of his ears, not wanting to give the game away about his background and day to day life back home. The last thing he wanted was someone potentially fangirling over him or bringing him unwanted attention. 

“You are a hard nut to crack, John” Matt laughed, shaking his head fondly. If anything, John’s reluctance to talk intrigued the Australian even more, convincing him that John was hiding something, something interesting, mind blowing even and Matt wanted to know what that was. Perhaps a more relaxing activity would help to loosen the older man's tongue? 

It was time to get his thinking cap on. 

…………………………

John stretched his legs out in front of him and wiggled his toes happily, this was much better. Matt had redeemed himself after the surfing lesson that morning and whisked John off on the back of a motorbike for a whistlestop tour around the island. It was hair raising initially, the roads not exactly being up the standard that John was used to. 

He held on for dear life initially but soon relaxed and even began to enjoy himself when it became clear that Matt was a very experienced rider, and was used to the dubious quality of the roads and numerous potholes that appeared out of nowhere, not to mention the appalling local drivers with no apparent respect for other road users. Where on earth had they passed their driving tests? 

John soon forgot all that as he took in the breathtaking sights before him; of beautiful caves, awe inspiring temples, buzzing fresh produce markets and thought provoking museums. It was a culture lover's wet dream, and provided John with enough photo opportunities to last a lifetime. It also took his mind off his troubles, filling his brain instead with pleasure. He never wanted it to end. 

That evening John was as good as his word, and joined Matt for a chilled out picnic on the beach. They dined on the food they’d picked up at the market earlier in the day and shared a bottle of wine as the sun set before them. John felt at ease, relaxed and comfortable in his skin. Comfortable enough to sit close to Matt, close enough to feel his breath on his skin, close enough to reach out and touch him if he wanted to. 

….and god only knew how much John wanted to. 

It was insane when he thought about it. John had known the younger man for barely 24 hours, yet here he was seemingly falling for him. Or was it simply a crush? Surely mature men in their 30’s didn’t have crushes? They were for teenagers and young adults still finding their way in the world, and slowly working out who they were and what they preferred in life. 

So why did John suddenly feel this way? 

Because Matt was drop dead gorgeous, treated John with respect and made him feel good. As well as seeming to genuinely enjoy his company. 

He was everything that his wife was not, with one part that stood out like a sore thumb. He was male. 

Now John had always considered himself to be straight despite some experimentation during his youth. Everyone did that at some point didn’t they? After all how do you know what you prefer if you don’t sample the goods so to speak?

John was confused, and felt conflicted. He wanted to reach out and touch the beautiful creature sitting next to him, to confess how he felt but that would be cheating wouldn’t it? Cheating on his loyal and devoted wife back home. Was Veronica devoted to him? Or was it the lifestyle, fame and money she loved instead. 

John had his suspicions, and in more ways than one. 

John was also someone who had always put others happiness before his own, be it is friends, band mates or his family. Now it was time for him to be selfish, no, scratch that, it was being selfish. How was it selfish to look after No.1 for a change? No, John needed to consider his own needs for once, say nuts to it and worry about nothing save his own wellbeing and pleasure. 

A little devil on John’s shoulder conspired with the increasingly lustful thoughts in his head to throw caution to the wind and just go for it. But something was holding him back. Was he reading Matt right? He had been flirting openly with John since the second they’d met, making it clear he was interested in him. Or was he? Was Matt just an overly friendly person and did that with all his friends? 

John had no idea, and didn’t want to make an arse of himself whilst finding out. But then, saying that....if it did go tits up and John had got the wrong of the stick surely it didn’t matter? He was unlikely to ever see Matt again. 

_ Oh fuck it. The bloke doesn’t know who I am, and no one back home will ever find out... _

John shivered slightly, whether from the cooling early evening breeze or a guilty conscience he wasn’t sure. 

“So, erm Matt. Are you seeing anyone at the moment?” John asked with a very slight tremor in his voice. He cringed at how nervous he must have sounded. 

Matt leaned back on his elbows and looked over at John with a smirk. “I’m free and single me, free as a bird”

John was amazed at that. Surely someone this attractive and full of life would have been snapped up long ago. Or was he too much of a free spirit to be tied down? 

John was bought out of his brief daydream by Matt asking a question in return. “What about you John? Do you have a significant other right now?”

The bassist surprised himself by what came out of his mouth next “...No, no I’m not seeing anyone either. I’ve not really had the time lately, you know…”

Matt nodded knowingly, with something playful in his eyes. “You ever been with a guy?”

John stared open mouthed for a moment, wondering how much he should give away. 

“...I erm, yeah...I have. It was a long time ago though” 

“I’ve slept with men and women” Matt replied with a completely straight face, “Occasionally both at the same time. See, I don’t consider myself straight, gay, bi or whatever, I’m simply attracted to people. A good looking person is a good looking person in my book, it doesn’t matter if they’re male or female or something in between”

Matt looked John straight in the eye as he took a sip of his drink, “...and you my friend, are a  _ very _ good looking man” 

John felt his face flush and his heart pounding in his chest. “Would you erm, like to join me for a nightcap at my villa? It’s just a short walk from here” 

Matt smiled

“I thought you’d never ask” 


End file.
